


This Is How I Disappear

by sonyathefairy



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, mentions of violence and past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-06
Updated: 2017-07-06
Packaged: 2018-11-28 16:08:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11421474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonyathefairy/pseuds/sonyathefairy
Summary: It's Neil's last year of college and without Andrew to keep him steady, will he keep his stance steady or will he waver and fall into his own type of darkness?





	This Is How I Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> This was for a prompt that I can't find anymore (I know, professionalism at its finest), but I do hope you enjoy it.  
> Maybe check out [my tumblr](http://sonyathefairy.tumblr.com), if you wanna.

Life on the run hadn’t been easy, as one might expect, and only after his mother’s death did he realize how much he depended on her.Life on his own hadn’t been easy either, and he swore to never depend on someone that much ever again, because it would only make him weak.And yet, here he was, realizing at last how much he has been relying on Andrew this last couple of years.

He knew his last year at PSU was going to be challenging.Being the captain of the Foxes and not having Andrew to keep him steady, Neil started to drift.Brief skype calls and fleeting visits weren’t enough to keep Neil on track.The nightmares kept him up at night and shadows kept haunting him during the day.The Foxes were all trying to help, when really, they couldn’t.

It was winter break when things got even worse.Neil started feeling more and more like a shadow of the past, more and more like a dead man and a living lie.He swore to leave Nathaniel buried in Baltimore, but he didn’t really feel like Neil anymore.

 

Andrew didn’t know what to expect when Neil’s last year rolled about and he left Palmetto to play on a professional Exy team.A part of his mind whispered that whatever he had with Neil was going to be over.Andrew didn’t want anything, but he wanted this.This strange thing that he somehow had with Neil.Not that he would ever say it out loud.He’d be too afraid to do it, too afraid of might happen if he admitted it to the world, when he wasn’t even admitting it to himself in the first place.

Andrew wasn’t exactly fond of his new teammates.Definitely less fond than he was of the Foxes.They were a decent enough team, but he considered everyone on it a fucking moron.They didn’t make the playoffs, so Andrew had a lot of time off now that it wasn’t occupied with practice.

He was smoking a cigarette on the balcony of his small apartment when his phone started ringing.

“Renee” he said as a greeting.

“Andrew,” she sounded alarmed, “it’s Neil.He…”

“He what?” he had a bad feeling about this.

“He’s not quite right…” she said, sounding unsure of herself, which was uncharacteristic.

“He’s never been ‘quite right’, Renee.Get to the point already.”

“He looks like he hasn’t slept in weeks, he jumps every time a shadow moves too quickly around him and he’s been especially moody lately.I tried to take him to see Bee, but he refused.And as much as I’d like to help, I think you’re the only one who can.”

Andrew really didn’t like this.He ended the call with a curt ‘Thanks’ and shook out another cigarette, the other one having burnt to the filter.

 

Neil woke up from a nightmare once again, a scream in his throat that never passed his lips.The memory of hard hands and sharp knives kept haunting him even after he woke up, his scars burning and panic flaring up in his chest like loose fire, consuming him.

This one had been especially bad.He kept dreaming of his time spent at Evermore, Riko’s abuse coming back to him in the form of never-ending nightmares.He was shaking, cold sweat running down his back and it had never been this hard to breathe before.He needed to get out.He needed to get to the roof, even though he wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do once he was up there.Riko’s mocking tone and the slice of his knives felt fresh to Neil’s ears and skin.Monsters that should’ve been dead were hiding in the darkness of the night.He couldn’t stand it.His mind has going crazy, imagining all the ways that he could’ve and could die.

Once he finally got to the roof, after what felt like an eternity, he was greeted by the pouring rain washing over his face.It was helping dull the ache in his bones, even if just a little.Leaning over the edge had never seemed quite this enticing before.He could see puddles illuminated by a streetlight below, the falling rain animating it every time it hit it.He imagined his lifeless body laying there in the rain.He imagined Kevin finding it in the morning.He wondered if Andrew would even care if he was dead, he said on countless occasions that he wanted to kill him, so why not make Andrew’s wish come true?That would be convenient for him, wouldn’t it?

 

“Neil.” 

Neil was standing dangerously close to the edge and Andrew didn’t like it.The rain was making him look smudged around the edges, like he was an unfinished sketch.He didn’t react to Andrew’s call, so he said it again, only this time a little louder.

Neil turned, fear in his eyes as it was clear he didn’t recognize Andrew.He started to retreat, only to be met by the edge of the roof, quickly slipping away from his feet.Andrew was there in the blink of an eye, catching Neil before he could fall to his death.Only then did he recognize Andrew, shock evident in his eyes.

“You’re an idiot.” Andrew huffed in relief.

Neil almost smiled, which was more than Andrew hoped for at this point.The rain was long forgotten when Neil asked:

“Yes or No?”

“Yes.”

Cold lips met Andrew’s hot breath and it was desperate and hard, just like all of their kisses.


End file.
